11:15 pm - 2003-09-09
Dr. Seuss was a crazed Nymphomaniac
Today was....black. Yup, black is a good word for today. Black like the tar-baby, or the color your skin turns after you contract the bubonic plague. If you must know WHY, it's because I accidentally flushed the voodoo doll of myself that is supposed to ward off occult interactions with my karma down the toilet; even as we speak, a tiny likeness of me is moshing to the Sewage People who, to the knowledge of a select few, are the actual inspiration for the Village People. "YMCA"? Nah, man; the ORIGINAL version, "P(dash)a(dash)P" was a smash hit, especially for construction crews and concert-goers everywhere. "In the Navy"? Sadly, that is a cheap knockoff of the Sewage People's classic "In the Potty". Perhaps the largest act of sacriledge performed by the Village People was the stealing and mutilation of the Sewage People's touching ode to diarrhea.."Nacho Man". Let us now take a moment to commemorate the slaughtering of these lyrical treasures, and the later banishment of the geniuses behind them into the country's sewar system by a jealous heretic in a cowboy hat by observing a moment of silence. (moment of silence) At any rate, I have had trouble breathing and am experiencing an enigmatic knawing sensation in my left leg. Also, the smell of feces has seemed rather more rampant than usual today....I wonder if that is considered a turn-on in any country? Some perfumes are made of bobcat urine; perhaps "Ode de Caucau" is a real big turn-on in China or Brazil. Which brings me to question number two...what exactly is the opposite of constipation? You know, when you have trouble urinating? Does that have a name? If not, I should like to be elected for to give that particular dilemma a name...I shall call it "tinglepheria", because it is the lack or fear of that special tingling sensation that you can only enjoy while showering liquid gold into a pristine bowl of nongelatinous (unless I happened to be there first) fluid....or while brushing your teeth.

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