6:23 p.m. - 2004-01-11
I Like Chinese...They Come to Your Knees
I hate girls. They're stupid. Being a girl does not alienate me from the right to hate girls. I know at least two black guys who hate black people, and my white husband hates white people, so I can hate girls. And boys that seem like girls. One of those smiled at me today, so I threw a fork at him. It's ok, though, it wasn't flatware.

I have unearthed a conspiracy...you see, Ed has decided to be in lust with Busty Bessy. Only BB is stubbornly committed ("committed" inbed being the operative word in this scenario) to Undead Hedgehog. Ed, believing himself to be a gift to all women and bovines, was naturally enraged by her rejection and immediately began conspiring with everyone's favorite ragdoll.....That Girl I Don't Like. These two dastardly scions hatched up an irascible plot in order to a)seek revenge on Busty for turning down pork loin in favor of Hedgehog, and b) get Busty out of the way for UH could become Mr. That Girl I Don't Like. Two nights ago, That Girl I Don't Like lured poor, helpless Skim to her doom by waiting outside of the walking pen where she and her siggy were jogging along at their own leisure, sneaking behind her, and bonking her on the head with a 55 lb chunk of styrofoam, then, horror of horrors, turning her into Chinese food. To make matters even worse, she took UH out to eat in order to "console" him over the mysterious disappearance of his beloved lobster. And where, you might ask, did this devious little vixen take our lovably diminutive-eared hero? If inbed you ask, you should be smacked upside your bahonka with a short bus; obviously, she took him for Chinese food...after all, the only way of ensuring Skim's absence would be permanent was to have Alexho EAT her. Unfortunately for That Girl I Don't Like, UH hates rice and didn't finish his crab legs; therefore, Skim has returned, though somewhat shrunken in the udder region.

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