8:38 p.m. - 2004-02-23
Being Boring...aka, Blow Me
The back of my thighs hurt like I've been doing something dirty, but I'm clean as a whistle! Actually, that's a lie, but the only reason I haven't showered yet is because I was waxing nostalgic with Jesus, who spells his name with four "l's". Now, if Jesus is everywhere, and he watches kids in the shower, does that make him a pedophile? And just what is wrong with having a nice healthy relationship with bare feet, anyhow?

For once, the saccharine unreality of 7th Heaven provided cheap comic relief...for example:

"Dr. Phil couldn't handle those people. They're crazy. And not "fun" crazy, "crazy" crazy."

That one was just for my number one wife, who absolutely *idolizes* the Philmeister. Don't tell, but for her upcoming nakie day, I'm gonna get her the entire first season of his show....shhhhhh. ;-)

"I'm curious," says the old lady who may or may not be Bernice, "what's it like, not having a spine? It must make sitting in a chair rather difficult."

"I have a spine!!", protests her elderly would-be hubby, then promptly bursts into tears. Later, as a result of the ever-meddlesome Camdons and Camdon-loafers, the centenarian couple elope. Freakin' A. THEN, right before proclaiming their undying devotion to each other, maybe-Bernice says, "So what about your maw?" (this homicidal cane-grandma who beats the living daylights out of Chandler), and Mr. Bernice says, "But she's OLD"...meaning hopefully she'll die before noticing the forbidden nuptials of her spineful son.

"But she's OLD!"...hehehe. I wonder if I can use that tactic for my grandmother...

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