10:14 a.m. - 2002-05-17
If you want to...
Hi, people. Haha, as any of you loyalists probly noticed...I changed my template again. Not that anyone really cares, but it fits my mood; plus I'm sick of trying to fix the old one. SO...today, I went to therapy and got my jollies, came in here to do whatever it is I do, instead of the math that I ought to be doing, and came to this conclusion...everyone hurts. Now, I am obviously not helping any, and I thought maybe I was, but I'm not, woohoo!! I just LOVE being wrong. So..I know I don't generally talk about anything of any real weight in this thing...I mean, I'm the wunderkind who has an entry that contains the word "banana" and that is all. But today, well...today I read everyone else's stuff first, and this is how I have come to the conclusion that...that I absolutely SUCK at, among other things (no references intended, get your minds out of the gutter) expressing any kind of emotion...so..."If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here; so lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares...I'm sinking slowly, so hurry hold me...please can you tell me so I can finally see where you go when you're gone..."...hmmm...now WHAT do I mean by THAT little ditty? You know...I don't even know. I'm so confused right now...SO...so what, people? Do any of the imaginary people that I pretend care enough to actually read this have any ideas? How does one who doesn't know if she is anything rebecome the person she may never have been to begin with? God, I hate pop-ups. "Every day I fight a war against the mirror, I can't stand the person starin' back at me; I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let me get me, I'm my own worst enemy. It's bad when you annoy yourself, so irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be someone else"...ahh, yes, BUT..first must define who this someone I am at the moment is before I be someone else. Right? Yeah, sure, that sounds good...and I'm hungry. SO...this is my conclusions: my friends are my family, and my life. My blood family is crap, for the most part, but they have their good points, as long as I don't actually live with them and interact with them as little as possible. Most of my friends are pretty together, except that one no longer seems to need anyone except her dude..or is it really that no one makes so much an effort to need her? Is fine, because she seems happy, and everyone else is happy, and I love her, so that's all good. My girls are mostly fine, so I think...but I'm prolly too self-involved to realize that they're not, just pretending to be so that the rest of us will feel better. One of my friends is getting dumped on, but I can't tell him that, because he won't listen to me. I can try to tell him that he's setting himself up to get hurt, and it won't matter...so what can I do, people? Be there, be a friend, watch him crash...? Ha, why not walk away, no one else has a problem with that, eh, "Nick"? God, I hate you. I want to say more about that, but I don't know what to say, so I won't. I COULD say, yeah, I hate you, but I cry over you still, and you would...not care!!! Ding, ding, ding, what's my prize? You don't read this, either, so I can say what I want, I can even use your real name, you lying piece of regurgitated monkey vomit syphilitic burnt toast extract. Did you have it all planned, all along? Tell me, Nicky Darling, what exactly did you gain from this little experiment, anyway? I could tell you that if I ever see you again, you will gain a fork in your eye, but I would be lying, so I won't even bother. Anyway...hope your life's just grand. As to my friend....you people, pray for him, please? Family...I love you guys, I miss you like "the desert missed the rain", I can't wait to see...some of you...tonight...Mickle!! Where were you last night?! You didn't miss Rachel having a baby, did you? She didn't die!!! But they named her EMMA!!! What is WITH the Emma thing you people go through? I know ya'll's is really Emily, or Emmalee, or Emileigh, or whatever...ah, well. I love you people.

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