1:50 p.m. - 2003-03-10
Any available repairpeople...?
I mean, you can only be depressed for so long, right? And I hate it so much...you get sick of always fighting it, and then you get even sicker of spreading it to people. Sometimes I feel like I'm making my roommate sick. I hate writing about it in here...who wants to read someone else griping about how useless they think they are? I don't know how to talk about it, and when I do talk about it, I just feel bad...and I'm tired of it. I don't think that I'm ever going to get any better.

It seems like my whole life I was searching for people that...not "completed" me, but fulfilled me, I guess. Kinda like a family. They all think that I'm scared of losing them, and they're partly right. Oh, I don't know...sometimes, writing, or typing, helps sort things out, but I think right now, it's just too muddled to even come out right in words. Things change, and I don't know how to deal with that, apparently...people go get married, and all of that normal stuff that people do, and slowly, reality dawns on me...I don't know how to talk to people after I've known them for longer than a year....wow, this entry just gets better and better. I feel so sorry for those of you who still bother to read this.

At any rate. I don't know what's happening right now. Maybe I'll keep writing, maybe not; either way, I really am sorry, guys. I guess even walking jukeboxes break down.

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