12:00am - 2003-08-27
Wheel of Fortune
I think that my life is circular, as in the same things keep happening over and over, sorta like KayBay's Terrorsel of Shrieks and Screams. I'm not sure why I keep turning to this "virtual diary" thing to talk about real life; it was never meant for that, and the fact that it's being used realistically bothers me, makes me feel more mundane than usual. I suppose it's yet another cry for attention...or another attempt to reach out to the minions of Ee-arth, also known as the only people that I actually care about...if you're reading this, you know who you are; if you aren't one of the chosen ones, now is a really bad time for you to be falling into the life of SaraNade, so I suggest you put on your seatbelt or buzz off. It's hard not having all of you here, especially since everyone's lives are in such an upheavel right now. Maybe it'd be easier to bear if we could all be together to stick this out; quite possibly, it would only be more difficult. Last year seemed to be an all-time low to me, and this year had so much potential, but I honestly am beginning to feel as though I have no actual future. And the saddest thing of all is that I think I feel better when things are falling apart than when they're good, and there ARE a few bright spots left here and there in the cancer that is becoming my life...even if I DO claim that their disappearance would in fact make the world a brighter place. Had I those things alone, I would have to wear sunglasses all the time...I wonder if I will remember what that means in a year, or a month, or next week. Even the good things, I feel like I have to ruin those somehow or another, and this time I'm not even trying. Good to know I'm good at more than just teasing.

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