8:40 pm - 2003-08-27
Pairs of Pears
I realize now what exactly has been wrong...it all has to do with that poker game I beat God at. He lost his entire shipment of pears to me way back in 1400 BC, and ever since then, He's had this huge grudge. I guess NOW He's getting His own back. But I think I know how to make it up to Him...there are three, count 'em, THREE sets of twins on my floor alone...do you know how many pears that is?? And they're IDENTICAL PEARS at that!!! At least, I guess they're identical; I haven't actually seen two of the sets. The only pair I have had the good fortune of beholding are Thing 1 and Thing 2, and unfortunately, I'm afraid having to put up with their faces has forced their pears to molder unnaturally quickly. I'm thinking of abducting one of them and then placing mirrors around the other in strategic places to see how long it takes for the loose one to figure out she's all alone. Ah, well. If that fails to work, I have the *PERFECT* plan...I'll simply become an escort for the elderly. Do you know how many desperate, old, rich men are in Milledgeville? Well, DO YOU? If you do, please be so kind as to send a list of their names, phone numbers, addresses, and preferred flavor of body frosting to me ASAP.

previous - next