6:20 pm - 2003-10-03
Elevator Junk Shop Talk
Today I have decided to be a computer genius. I am going to invent a machine that inexplicably says "Polly want a cracker?" every time you hit the "F" key. But only on Tuesdays. You see, the "F" key isn't nearly as popular as, say, the "E" key, or the "R" key (for a complete listing of the most commonly-used letters in the English alphabet, please see Pat Sajack or his associate, Vanna White...and WHO names their kid Vanna, I ask? What is this Vanna, some type of deoderant? Did the smell of this mysterious antiperspirant seduce the senior Mrs. White into believing that the senior Mr. White was some kinda studly biscuit when in fact he was only a stale bagel, thus leading to junior Mrs. White's conception? Speaking of conception...how many of ole Vanna's kids you reckon were sired by Mr. Sajack?) but popular enough to still be connected with on an irregular basis. Thus, somebody will be typing up their resume, just so, and will mention that they were once a live mannequin at Frederick's, and out of NOWHERE, this voice squawks, "Polly want a cracker?" Let's FURTHER conjecture that this particular former live mannequin had an old boyfriend (let's just call him Jake) who's endearing little nicknames for certain bodyparts just happened to be "Polly" and "Cracker"...wouldn't THAT just be a drop in the old bucket?

Hey Troll...I have a great idea involving you, me, lotsa random strangers, and an elevator. You think you're up for it, you funky little mustard knat, you?

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