5:35 p.m. - 2005-08-29
a-prufrock is dead
So school's started. I figured, what the heck, let's try this "opening yourself up to random strangers" thing again, 'cause ninety percent of the five-fingered population are nosy voyeurs, anyway, right? I already feel lost with this whole academiathing. Every semester, I find it harder and harder to even care. When I began this whole "college experience," it was because that was what was expected of me. And then, it was because, in order to support yourself these days, you need that degree, and no, I'm not talking about the Fahrenheit, either. But before you can even begin to get the degree, ya gotta settle on what it is exactly you want to do with the rest of your life, something few ripened add-dolts seem to have grasped, much less your average 18-19 year old. Then, if and when you ever do manage to fix on one particular career goal, you get yourself nice and swamped by classes that have nothing to do with that eventuality, but are intended to make you a more "well-rounded" person...why the prejudice against squared-off individuals, anyway? Finally, you make it to the area that actually applies to your future career, your dream, even, only to find that it's not really what you wanted after all. Or worse --- it is, but for some reason, you can't actually grasp it. Maybe you want to immerse yourself in music, but can't see yourself compromising that dream with needless beurocracy, and who the crap cares how that's really spelled, anyway. Or maybe you simply lack the talent. So you sell out. Do something that'll get you out quick, just to be out. Convince yourself that it's a true "career." Or run away, because you can't take watching it all fall apart, and you'd prefer to keep a little of the dream instead of kill your soul completely.

I don't care if only ten people, only one of which is actually active, ever read these empty words...what kind of world is this when your personal thoughts and feelings become some sort of sordid popularity contest?

If I ever have kids, I'll tell them: do what you love. Don't worry so much about what's expected of you. Work for what you want, not for what other people want you to want. Be your own dream.

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