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12:06 a.m. - 2002-09-24 I miss my brother. I realized that today. People who read this...sometimes, I get so sad. You know, you wake up, you go to school, you watch people change and grow up and away, or whatever, you spend holidays with other families and wonder why you were never good enough for your own, marvel at the realization that the member of your "blood" family you feel closest to is the one that you grew up practically despising...and I never see him, never see my Grandmother; she doesn't seem to care. This college thing, I don't think I'm doing it right; maybe it's because I don't care. So many people are just GONE, and the ones that are left are so different now...some days, all I want to do is sing, and some days, all I want to do is cry, and some days, I remember how beautiful life can be. I don't understand why sometimes people make it so ugly. This "new" problem, it doesn't help much...some days, it isn't so bad, and on others..like now..it's just too much. One of the worst possible things to happen, and all I want is some loser to come along and sweep me off my feet so things can go back to normal again. And then you have the one person that's totally mad about you, and all you can do for them is break their heart...it's this that makes me wish I were really assexual. So yeah. I miss my brother.
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