10:05 a.m. - 2003-01-31
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And it's not like this is really temporary. Only the good things are temporary. So there are times when you stand back and take a look at your own life, and you realize that you have twenty-two animals that, no matter how much you love, you can NOT keep, because no matter how much your "family" loves you, they aren't real, either, and YOU certainly can't take care of them by yourself, because you can't even really take care of yourself, which is pretty depressing when you realize that you're the only one out there that's even in that position.

This all just goes on, and on, and on, and I don't even know what to say to anyone anymore. I can't even stand the sound of my own thoughts...how can I expect anyone else to? You can't put everything back together; some things just aren't fixable. I don't want you to be there for me all the time; I only want you to be my friend. And you can't be a mother to me now; you don't even have any concept of what that means. You left me for him, and now you expect me to be happy that you're getting married..? Why would I be happy about anybody getting married? It always seems to ruin things.

Anyway...I'll only be just like her, anyway. That's a lot to look forward to; a lifetime of living with the inability to grow up, or live without someone, ANYONE, of the opposite sex, and I'm so tired now, I guess we can throw my grandmother in, just for s's&g's.

I'm sorry, ya'll. I can't do this anymore.

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